October 21, 2009

My Daughter

I caught my daughter dancing to Wind It Up. It was a little bit different from watching her dance to She is a Butterfly. She was shaking her little hips at me and laughing. I gather that she found the expression on my face funny. That little girl loves to stir it up with me. I suppose that it is just more proof that she is my girl.

I have to admit that for a moment I was transfixed by it all. Sat there trying to figure out where she learned how to move like that. The little stinker told me about her boyfriend and waited for my reaction. I remained silent and she tried to up the ante by telling me that he knows Karate.

It was foreshadowing of a time to come. Some day in the future, some time many years from now there will be a boy who isn't just a friend. Some day this boy is going to have ideas about my daughter. I am not going to fool myself and pretend he won't. I was that boy and in some ways still am. G-d willing I won't be like the father in this video.

Don't ask my why I am even thinking about things that are so far off. It is just part of who I am. There is an intensity that comes part and parcel with me.

I see it in my kids. In truth it is easier to understand in my son. I understand that thought process. Men and boys make sense. You folks on the other side, not so much.

Anyway, since she was sick for most of last week I had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with her. It was just the two of us during the day. When she wasn't sleeping I did my best to balance working with taking care of her. It was a challenge. I couldn't seem to find the right balance. When I was working I felt guilty and when I wasn't I felt guilty.

She has this Dora tent that she likes to play inside. So we set it up so that it was right behind me. Gave her some books, crayons and paper and we both started to work. I don't think that more than ten minutes had passed when I started to hear her snore. So I got up out of my chair and poked my head in.

Sure enough she was lying on the floor fast asleep. I debated moving her, but she was lying on a blanket so I figured that it wouldn't hurt her. Besides she was sick and needed the extra rest. About an hour or so later I poked my head back in to see how she was doing. I could tell she was on the verge of waking up so I lay there with my head propped up on my hands and watched her.

It took all of two minutes for her eyes to open. When she spotted me she gave me a huge smile that just melted me. It reminded me of when she was a baby. Sometimes I'd go stand next to her crib and just watch her sleep. It was the same smile that she gave me then.

Except now she is a big girl. Five years old with black hair. It is long and filled with curls. She gets complimented on it quite a bit. I always tell her that she should thank me because her hair is the same color as mine. Of course if I let it grow it would become your standard Jewfro or turn into dreadlocks. At least that is what would have happened a few years back. Damn thing doesn't grow like it used to.

Although even if it did I'd still wear a flat top. It was so very easy to take care of, loved it.

Anyway, that dark haired beauty insisted that I stop what I was doing to read a story with her. After that smile I couldn't resist. So I sat down and the couch and waited for her to pick a book. Moments later she climbed onto my lap and fell back asleep seconds after that.

I sat there with her soft snores and told her to never forget how much daddy loves her and that I'd always protect her. It is part of a little game she and I play. Can't tell you how long we sat like that because at some point I fell asleep too. But I can say that she woke me up my kissing my cheek and telling me she was hungry.

Not really sure where I am going with this. It is hard to write when you keep getting interrupted so I'll just end it with this. I am in so much trouble when she gets a little older. Oy.

2 comments:

Tzipporah said...

"Men and boys make sense. You folks on the other side, not so much."

Right back atcha, Jack.

"When I was working I felt guilty and when I wasn't I felt guilty"

This sounds like the daily life of every working mother I know.

Jack said...

This sounds like the daily life of every working mother I know.

Hmmmm