December 16, 2008

Living Inside My Skull

"I fell in to a burning ring of fire
I went down,down,down
and the flames went higher.
And it burns,burns,burns
the ring of fire
the ring of fire."
Ring of Fire- Johnny Cash
There is a fire that burns inside me. It has always been there. I cannot remember a time where I couldn't feel it. Good, bad or indifferent I live a lot of my life inside my head. That means that I think in very graphic terms. It is a blessing and a curse.

It is relatively easy for me to remember the highlights of my life. I close my eyes and I can take myself to the finest moments, but the knife cuts both ways. I remember the bad things far too easily. The nicks, bumps, scrapes and bruises are there with the sunshine and roses. The failures stand next to the successes and they all buck for attention.

Someone told me that this is part of being a storyteller. They said that a true artist must suffer from the trials of passion or they cannot produce their art. I don't know if I buy into that. It sounds good. I like to think that I am a good writer with potential to be great, but I don't know if I can accept what they said.

What I do know is that every day I work at trying to be relaxed and easygoing, but it is not alway easy.
"Well, life is (too short), so love the one you got
'Cause you might get runover or you might get shot
Never start no static I just get it off my chest
Never had to battle with no bulletproof vest
Take a small example, take a tip from me
Take all of your money, give it all to charity
Love is what I got
It's within my reach"
What I Got- Sublime
I try hard to live like that. I work at just letting go and reminding myself that my life is relatively easy, but that fire keeps burning. As I age I find that it is easier to let go but every now and then something happens and I feel the flames shoot up inside of me.

It is no secret that I pay a ton of attention to my children. My son is very much his own person. He is a beautiful boy with so many positive attributes it just makes me choke up with pride. If you are expecting the proverbial but to appear now you are going to have to keep waiting there really is no but.

What I can say is that I have noticed that he shares many of my traits. (Cue Cat's In The Cradle) One of them is that he internalizes things the way that I do. So I suppose that part of my search for answers is so that I can be of more help to him in teaching him to get over things. Too much narishkeit.

Here are the next 10 songs on my iTunes

Broken Hearts- Living Colour
Higher And Higher- Jackie Wilson
Because- The Beatles
I Want A Little Girl- Ray Charles
A Kind Of Magic- Queen
Institutionalized- Suicidal Tendencies
White Lines (Long Version)- Grandmaster Flash, Melle Mel & The Furious Five
God Bless The Child- Billie Holiday
We Are Family- Sister Sledge
Young Americans- David Bowie
The Planets, Op. 32: Mars, The Bringer Of War- Holst
How Soon Is Now- Morrissey
The Hustle- Van McCoy And The Soul City Symphony

Ok, that was more than ten, but it was far too much fun. That is about all I have to say on this topic, for now.

(originally posted here.) This is a green blog. We recycle all sorts of things including posts.

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