Here is a partial transcript of a recent conversation with the queen.
Queen: I saw a man wearing a pink shirt today.
Jack: I like Rocky Road ice cream.
Queen: I am not a big fan of it.
Jack: What have you got against Rocky Road.
Queen: I don't have anything against Rocky Road.
Jack: That is good, it stains.
Queen: I am not talking about ice cream. I said I saw a man wearing a pink shirt today.
Jack: You squint an awful lot. Might want to get your eyes checked.
Queen: I know what I saw.
Jack: You only think you do and you know what happens when you think. I bet that he was wearing a white shirt that had been washed with a red shirt.
Queen: I don't understand why men wear pink. I am not a fan.
Jack: You're not an air conditioner either. 5-4-3-2...
Queen: Why are you counting?
Jack: I am waiting for you to catch up.
Queen: Catch up with what?
Jack: Catch up with your hamburger. What do you think, the stupid joke.
Queen: I ignored it.
Jack: Ignored what.
Queen: I am trying to have a conversation and you are being a pain-in-the-ass.
Jack: I got it. You saw a man you thought was wearing pink. I said that I like Rocky Road and told you to be careful that you didn't get any on your shirt or it would be stained. And unlike the pink shirt guy, it will be brown and people might wonder just where you have been sitting.
Queen: Pink and that other pastel crap that men wore in the 80s sucks. I like my man to dress like a man.
Jack: Which is why I don't wear a dress. More importantly, why are you stuck talking about things that happened 20 years ago. What are you in some kind of funk.
Queen: Sometimes I wonder why I talk to you.
Jack: I know why I talk to you. Charity.
Queen: (Censored to protect the innocent children who visit this blog.)
Jack: (In between guffaws) you do realize that you lived the majority of your life outside that burning river.
Queen: and you realize that people hate your town.
Jack: It is only because they are jealous.
Queen: Can we have a serious conversation?
Jack: You know, there are a bunch of ways to say that:
Can we have a serious conversation?
Can we have a serious conversation.
Can we have a serious conversation!
Queen: I am not playing games with you.
Jack: That's because I always win. You suck at Trivial Pursuit.
Stay tuned for part 2.