Decisions and dilemmas. Sounds like some sort of stupid soap opera or ridiculous game show, doesn't it. But it is an apt description for what is going on right now.
Alone in the night I walk along a path that is unlit, untraveled and unknown. There is no moonlight to guide my steps or map to confer with. Alone in the dark, just my thoughts and the echoes of my footsteps. Do I walk cautiously and carefully throughout the night and hope to avoid twisting my ankle on unseen hazards or do I go full speed ahead with reckless abandon.
I am not being melodramatic. I am not trying to wax poetic. All I am trying to do is make sense of the challenges presented before myself. My frustration level is high. I don't like having things hanging over my head.
There are decisions to be made and the consequences of those decisions to be dealt with.
The funny thing in a not so funny way is that the last part of that sentence is not meant to be harsh. Consequences do not have to be bad or harmful. The consequence of eating a fine meal can be a very pleasant experience.
My grandfather OBM spoke to me of enjoying the adventures of life. I know what he meant, each day the meaning becomes more clear. But sometimes the joy of the journey is tempered by the trials of the way.
It is not quite like riding a horse with no name through the desert, but it sure is good to be out of the rain. Bonus points to the three readers who recognize the reference.
Sometimes I feel like this blog is a collection of angst, my angst. Sometimes it feels like a repository of pain and embarrassment. Sometimes it feels like a very unhappy joint. I don't particularly like that. Dark streak or not, it is not what I want.
The purpose is not to be a receptacle of rage but a refuge. It is a place in which I can explore those decisions and dilemmas. A juke joint that offers opportunity to consider the best method of moving ahead. Cryptic and goofy, but I am not at liberty to offer more than that.