I don't know if you'll ever see this because I don't share the blog with you or mom. You know about it and you have seen bits and pieces but you have never seen this. It is probably because this is as raw as I get. I open up here like no place else and that is just not how we are.
We share our thoughts and feelings. It is not like we don't but we do it in a different way. We are close and I feel comfortable telling you about my life, but this is one of those places that is mine and I think that you understand it.
I think fondly of the moments I have shared sitting with you and grandpa and I smile when I think about the complaints we received about none of us speaking. I understand the silence, it is part of how the three of us communicate.
We three come from different places. Our childhoods were all different and I suppose that you and grandpa deserve congratulations because mine was better than both of yours. That is something to be proud of.
I am the only son and the only grandson. I am the keeper of the name and the time will come when I will be responsible for passing along certain stories and traditions. I take it very seriously and one day I look forward to sharing some of these with my own son.
I look at you and I am impressed with so many things. You are tougher and smarter than I am. You work harder and you have had so many good things come of it.
My sisters and mother frequently tell me that I sound like a clone of you and in many ways that is true. Sometimes when I am speaking with the children I hear your words but they are being said by my voice.
You taught me to look carefully at the world around me and not to let my admiration for a person blind me to their faults. And I took that to heart. That means that I am well aware of your own faults.
Those faults are a part of you and my recognition of them is part of my maturation. You aren't superman anymore. You are fallible and you make mistakes as do we all but that is ok.
I think that part of our growing closer is my ability to really see you and to understand that you didn't always have all of the answers, to recognize that we have had similar struggles.
I don't know if any of this makes sense but what I am really trying to say is that I love and appreciate you. I respect you and I am thankful for all that you gave and continue to give to me.