October 27, 2005

Lost & Lonely

My son is going to start kindergarten in September of 2006. The big question in my life is where is he going to go. Will it be a public or a private school. Today we set out to answer that question by attending an open house for one potential school.

There were about 50 or 60 other prospective parents there, each one of us was actively and attentively listening to each speaker. We toured the facility, asked questions and tried to do our best to make an honest assessment of the school and whether it would be the best place for our children.

For the purpose of this post that is neither here nor there. What I want to write about is in the title, Lost and Lonely. It was uttered at a party many years ago by a very drunk and very sad boy who couldn't see his way to being happy.

That boy was me. I was 20 years-old and heartbroken over a girl that had dumped me. Now what relevance does this story have to the initial description of the open house. Well this is how it fits in.

Today I saw the woman I said that to for the first time since that night. She is not the ex. She is not even someone I dated and I am not sure that she even remembers the evening that this went down.

But I do.

I had forgotten about it. It is a long since buried memory of a place and time in my life that doesn't exist anymore and I am ok with that.

What caught my attention was two things. First, that when I saw her I remembered the evening and second that I was bothered by it, not tremendously, but a little.

She sat next to me on a couch and listened to my sad sordid tale of lost love and how I declared that I would never get married and certainly never fall in love again. She heard me repeat that I was lost and lonely and she told me to buck up and that things would get better and then our paths went their separate ways and that was it.

So why was I bothered by this memory. I think that if anything I was a little embarrassed by it. She didn't mention it and perhaps she doesn't even remember but I do and somethings stick with you.

I remember that night and I remember feeling lost and lonely, but I am not anymore.

6 comments:

chosha said...

I'm a little lost and lonely myself at the moment. Will be nice to be in that place one day where I can look back and know it's in the past.

Jack's Shack said...

Sometimes all you can do is live moment to moment and then one day you realize that it is better.

It is not always easy, but things do pass.

Bill said...

Everyone has been dumped to some degree. Lots of people just won't admit to being that lost and lonely person.

Unique though it maybe I have never crossed paths with either of the two that dumped me.

Which is good because I have no Idea how I would react.

It is curious how physical pain is transient but mental pain sticks with us.

I remember word for word a conversation I had when my first serious relationship failed, but damned if I can remember the list of things my wife asked me to do this weekend while she is away.

Jack's Shack said...

Hi Bill,

This is so true:

It is curious how physical pain is transient but mental pain sticks with us.

KRISTIN said...

maybe it's some 'men's' thing? my past pains can make me only LOL by now ;)

Bill said...

This may be stereotyping males and females but there may be something to the stereotype of males not being ablle to process emotions as well as females. We may never really deal with our past mental pain? We might be better at surpressing and not eliminating it.