What I Would Say

There is someone I would really like to speak with, to have a honest conversation where we just lay out our cards on the table.

Of Health & Sickness

Got two in the family dealing with two different issues and all I can do is offer my support.

Part of me feels comfortable saying I am doing all I can do and the other part says you have to find a way to do more.

I stand firm and move forward because going backwards is not an option but there are moments where the challenge feels greater than I.

That is how the game is played and all we can do is play our best hand and hope.

Sometimes People Let You Down

Been thinking for a while about writing a post about people and expectations. For now this is a quick hit and run that I may use as a placeholder.

Ran into some significant challenges not so long ago and became very aware of who was around to support me and who wasn't.

It pissed me off that some people I considered to be important weren't there and I found myself wondering if I was being fair or unfair about it.

In theory we should be kind to those who don't know about our struggles.

But I struggled with that because some of them should have known. They should have been there or so I felt.

What I haven't decided is if that was a selfish and immature position or something else. That is sort of what the post I am going to write is about.

Hurts my heart, it does.

That Shmata Queen

I need to call the Shmata Queen or at least check in via text/email because it has been far too long since we engaged in "proper communications."

Life got in the way of a bunch of things and I have spent a ton of time juggling chainsaws and torches.

Somewhere along the way she and I got lost and I am ready to go looking for her.

Don't know precisely what she'll say or do, all I have are my hopes and suspicions.

It is time to reconnect.

Settling In

Slowly settling into the new digs.

Surreal to be back, in some ways it feels like I never really left. It is like I took an extended vacation and just got back this week.

Even though it is a new area of town it doesn't feel so new, it is like I have been here forever. Not sure how or why it is.

Sort of grateful because it makes some of the changes easier.

Run Hard, Run Fast, Run Free

Got the answers to the big questions I was waiting on and now I hear a voice inside my head yelling to run hard, run fast and run free.

Don't ask me to tell you what it means because I am too damn tired to pick it apart. I just know that I have less than a week to make the first move and a little more than three before I make the second.

Not quite as far as Jerusalem yet but going far enough.

Guess in some ways I am starting over and that is ok with me.

Two Steps Closer

Two steps closer to answers.

Two steps closer to knowing when and where the future starts while trying to enjoy the present.

Two steps closer to what comes next.

Just wish it didn't take so damn long to take those next steps.