August 25, 2019

Scary Times

Put out some heartfelt stuff for a woman and got no response. Some would say silence is a big no, some would say it is neither a yes or a no and others will say something different.

As for me, well I am not going to analyze it because I have seen it be a no, seen it be a yes and seen it be something in between because it is easier not to commit to one or the other when you don't know what to say.

I get it.

Hard to ask someone to take a chance when it is so complicated and it feels easier to stick with what you know.

Hard not to take a chance when you don't think what you have is good and you are convinced you can do better.

Of course timing is everything and this timing is killing me because work is ridiculous now. It is kicking my ass but not because I am bad at what I do but because the tools and resources are lacking.

And the numbers that are tied into said tools and resources aren't really appropriate for me but I am not sure how to make that clear in a way that doesn't make me sound like I am whining.

Thing is there is only one other person in the company that does what I do. He moved from a competitor where he had 8 years of experience.

I moved states and started from scratch. No experience, no accounts and virtually no support.

Thing is I have made things happen and had a decent amount of success in spite of it all. So it frustrates me to be told I am failing when I am most certainly not.

But fuck, that seems to be life sometimes. I move heaven and earth and battle demons--but it is still short of where it needs to be.

Bleah.

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