"She packed my bags last night pre-flight
Zero hour nine a.m.
And I’m gonna be high as a kite by then
I miss the earth so much I miss my wife
It’s lonely out in space
On such a timeless flight"
Rocket Man- Elton John
Those words used to have more meaning and more resonance than they do today. Used to listen, close my eyes and remember the quiet Sunday mornings of days long since past. Breakfasts, lunches and dinners where we did nothing but stop time and share the moments.
Not much that you can do in space than live those memories. When you are hurtling around the cosmos at the speed of light you don't have the option to stop and turn around. Can't find a friendly gas station attendant to give you directions back home. They don't have florists that provide you with an armful of flowers that you can personally deliver.
It is much harder to present that personal touch when you are so far away even the math geniuses don't really understand it. You can write the most beautiful, heartfelt letter ever but it doesn't carry the same punch as the look on your face.
"And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I’m not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I’m a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone"
Sometimes you think about how far you have come and you smile because you are that much closer to where you are going. That wistful smile that washes across your face is the reminder of the pride and satisfaction you take in your job and your journey.
Life isn't quite what you want it to be but you know that you are making progress. Every day it comes one step closer. And you think that maybe this is what it means to have faith. You think that maybe it is all about believing that each step has meaning and that one day you'll reach a place where you won't feel so much regret.
It is something that you actively work on. There is no place for regret in life. You know this and you have lived it....before. Now you need to learn how to live it again. Now you need to remember that sometimes heroes fail and that failure doesn't have to be forever.
Yet you feel that tug from down below and you remember that some losses aren't easily forgotten. Those pictures keep appearing because something or someone is trying to tell you that this one thing is so significant you cannot walk away from it. You cannot ignore it.
"Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids
In fact it’s cold as hell
And there’s no one there to raise them if you did
And all this science I don’t understand
It’s just my job five days a week
A rocket man, a rocket man"
Men are taught to hide that softer side. Told to be hard and to be strong. To be otherwise is to be less and no matter how much new age crap you read you can't figure out how less is more. Or maybe you can. Maybe you can come to accept that this is the path you are on and if you keep pushing you can influence it in more than a small way. Maybe if you keep walking you'll find that trail again.
Faith. It all comes back to faith. Faith in yourself and your convictions. Trust your instinct and your abilities. Believe. Live and learn how to love again.
"And I think it’s gonna be a long long time... "