December 29, 2010

You're Ten Now

And so it begins. The boy is officially ten now. He has entered double digits and I see more glimmers of the teen to come than the toddler, let alone baby he once was. Seventy some pounds of fury he insisted on staying up until midnight so that he could welcome his birthday in proper fashion.

Don't ask me to explain what that means because I am not really sure. What I know for certain is that we have a house full of children and that his intention was to have them all participate in this, thing, he had planned. Fortunately they all fell asleep and I found myself having to hug no one but the birthday boy himself. Not that it was a problem, I am very affectionate with all of my children and he is no exception.

Two minutes before midnight he wandered out from his room with a huge smile across his face. I looked at him, my own broad smile mirroring his and asked him if he felt older. He said "sort of" and I said, "you're ten now." It really wasn't for his benefit but my own. It is not like it was a surprise, I was there in the beginning and was in the room when he was born.

His hands and feet are duplicates of my own. I remember staring at him and promising to be the best father that I could be. There are moments when I find myself frustrated, angry and upset about life and I fear that I am not the father that I could be. I am good, but I could be great.

The reasons why I feel there might be a shortcoming there aren't important. I am very hard on myself and this is just one example. But the real point of this is that I see that he has taken this trait on too. I don't consider it to be one of my finer qualities and it is my wish that he lose this or at least not be as crazy about it as I am. It is a father's desire and birthday wish to give this gift to his son. It will make life easier.

But realistically I find it hard to believe that he won't be as intense as I am. I see it in him. I see the fire burning in his belly and I alternate between smiling and sighing. He is far sweeter than I am and I am grateful for that. Smart and compassionate are good things to be.

He has a very active mind and imagination. If he doesn't know you he is likely to be quiet but don't mistake his silence for not paying attention. He has a keen eye and is well aware of the things that are happening around him. Unless he is playing a video game in which case the world might not exist. Actually this is not limited to video games. He is capable of focusing so intently on his task that he is not easily distracted. It is something that his teachers have often remarked upon.

Well liked, he has many friends and could have more if he so desired. But he prefers to be close with just a few people and that is ok with me.

The past decade has been an amazing ride and I have learned as much or more than he has. I am looking forward to the next ten years. It is surreal to think that in ten years I'll have a 20 year-old son who will likely be my size or bigger.

Time moves so very quickly, I just hope to enjoy as much of it as I can. And now my friends I must grab some shut eye, morning comes quickly and the ten year old will wake up quite early. I suspect that if nothing else that will definitely change in the next decade. We shall see.

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