December 25, 2010


Every day I am one step closer to a new beginning and to making changes that will have a significant impact upon my world. I choose to look upon this as an opportunity and not punishment for failure. This blog often serves as a reminder that some of my questions haven't really left me and others have been answered. Some of the evidence that supports this lies in posts like A Look Back To Help Look Forward and Silence- It can be electric.

A cursory glance at these brings back memories of time and place. I see opportunities that were staring at me that should never have been passed up and shake my head. Yet, I also see how the decision not to move on some of them have led to better opportunities. It would be wrong of me to say that none of my choices have hurt me because there have been mistakes.

But as I tell my children we do our best to make choices based upon the information that we have at that time. It is hard to look back and say that you would do things differently. Not because of ego or arrogance but because many of our most difficult decisions are not black and white. They are not either/or propositions that provide the luxury of knowing that one is better than the other.

And that is part of why I am going to be making changes. That is why I the countdown has begun. I feel like the captain of a ship that is sailing through a foggy sea. The water is a bit choppy and there is a chill in my bones that I can't quite identify. I don't know if my mind is playing tricks upon me but it feels like I am sailing close to the edge of a large storm. I look overboard and I see dark shapes swimming beneath the surface. Can't say whether it is a school of dolphins or if I am about to be attacked by the Kraken.

Maybe I have read too many books and watched too many movies but I have these images in my head. I sense some sort of ambush lying just ahead of me and I am tense. In the movies this is the time where the hero talks about why his party cannot allow the other side to dictate the terms of engagement. They may have a larger army but if we work hard we can turn the ambush upside down. We can take control of the situation and maybe, just maybe if we are lucky win against all odds.

My situation isn't quite so dire that I can say that my life is on the line, at least not my health. But the changes looming ahead of me are big and that is why I feel so unsettled. so I am working to take control of what I can. Working to set the terms as best as I can.

That is part of why I am here to tell you that among the many changes in my life will be one that impacts this joint. I have a new home that I am preparing to move into. It feels a little strange to type that but it is true. Details on this are forthcoming.

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