December 15, 2010

The Death of a Blogger

This is the last post you will ever read here. I have said all that I can say, written all that I can write and the time has come to walk away. It is not something that I do impulsively or easily. I have poured my heart and soul into this place and I am empty. Drained of all energy and devoid of emotion it makes no sense for me to continue writing.
I wrote those words and meant them. I typed them into this post and tried to decide if it really was time to hang it all up. There are a plethora of reasons why I prepared to send this ship sailing off into the darkness. Some of them are technical in nature. I am not happy with the design. It doesn't feel quite right to me and I think that it is not serving me as I wish that it would.

The community that once lived here doesn't come around in the same way as they used to. Comments are a commodity in blogging and this joint doesn't receive that many. I watched as newer bloggers marched in and received more acclaim and were asked to work as columnists/staff writers at other publications and wondered why they got it and I didn't.

And then I looked in the mirror and accepted that the problem was that my nose was bent out of shape unnecessarily. There are things going on in my life that are taxing my patience and making a tolerant man into a very intolerant man. There are also some amazing changes taking place. Countless hours of work and effort are beginning to pay off and that is exceptionally rewarding.

So what I have described in the paragraph above is nothing more than life. It took more words than I care to use and is not as eloquent as I would like it to be, but it is what it is.
"I am a fighter. I am a warrior who hates to be chained, a dreamer who despises authority and a father who understands that sometimes we must all bend the knee." (Excerpt from A Question of Faith.)
When I was considering whether to make the move onto something new I looked back at old posts and came across the one above. I stared at that quote and thought back upon 16,000 discussions with the Shmata Queen about faith. Ruminated and reminisced about them and others. Considered and contemplated whether I have grown as a person and a writer and decided that I have.

This blog has been part of a rebirth for me. I have rediscovered things about myself and learned about what it is that I want in life and what it is that I need. It has been the source of much happiness and a place in which I have shared/experienced significant pain. I am not who I was when I began writing it and that is ok with me.

Too much has happened and I have come too far to say otherwise. It is not necessarily a bad thing. I have been doing this for the better part of a decade now. When I started I had but one child who was still in diapers. That clearly isn't the case anymore and that is cool too.

More changes are coming. Some of them are somewhat frightening because of their nature. They aren't things that you can really plan for, no matter how you try. It is a little bit like trying to control the sea. You can build a ship and sail upon it or grab a surfboard and attempt to ride the swells but you aren't ever in complete control. You just do your best not to crash, sink or drown.

And the truth is that though I am a bit nervous I am  also excited. Change presents opportunity and that should always be welcomed with open arms.

 "You see things and say 'why?' But I dream things that never were and I say 'why not?" — George Bernard Shaw

P.S. To be clear, I am not quitting and I am sorry if I gave that impression. I will continue to write because I still have a lot to say. And as I have said many times, I blog first for me and then for you. Anyway, I'll share more in a upcoming post. Again, my apologies for any confusion.

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