October 15, 2010

The Week Is Over- Sort Of

Don't read this post unless you are prepared to embark on an experience like no other. It is not an exaggeration or hyperbole to say so, really it is not. Hell the damn Bloggess can write about a Bloody Horse so why can't I write the greatest post you have never read. So take a moment to listen to the words found below. I'll wait.

Are you done listening yet? It doesn't matter because time doesn't wait for anyone and Jack has to use the damn bathroom so he is typing furiously and talking about himself in the third person. Two days later and my mouth finally stopped aching from the visit to the dentist.

So happy to know that I get to go back next week to find out if I am going to have a root canal. Never had one of those and would prefer not to. It sounds about as enjoyable as allowing the doc to shove a camera up my butt so that he can confirm that the G.I. system is working properly.

Well, that damn G.I. system is not working the way that it should and it sucks. Unless of course you need a man who can be rented out a weapon of mass destruction. There, I just created a new position for myself. I am going to head over to Afghanistan with three quarts of chocolate milk and six pounds of Taco Bell. In less than an hour I'll have that Taliban running for the border or lying upon the ground incapacitated and begging for help.

Was that TMI? I sure hope not because I am just getting warmed up. Because the best part of engaging in that sort of horrific gastronomic experience is knowing that after it is all said and done I will be 27.8 pounds lighter. Damn, I ought to find out when my next high school reunion is and give myself the same treatment.

Of course it won't matter that my waist will suddenly allow me to fit into my 1985 pair of 501s because the damn hairline won't keep up. I have mixed emotions about that. I wore a flat top throughout the majority of high school. I loved my hair that way. I was a swimmer so I really didn't want much to begin with and even better was knowing that it was the perfect sleep and wear style.

I could roll out of my bed run two fingers through it and I was good to go for the rest of the day.

Tomorrow I get to play soccer coach again.  Most of the time I really enjoy it. I like giving back and coaching is an easy way to do it. But some of these parents need a heavy dose of reality kicking them in the ass. They have this misconception that their little Johnny is going to be good enough to play pro ball. It would be great if their opinion was based upon a realistic appraisal of their child's skills but it doesn't look  like it now.

I have a simple philosophy. Have fun and play hard. I want the kids to learn and improve but you don't bring them to AYSO to make them in to soccer stars. So grow up, get a life and stop making the kids miserable with unrealistic expectations. And remember I haven't any problem telling you stop acting like a douchebag so please don't.

Well my friends my kids are finally home so it is time for old Jack to sign off and go play with them. Be well, have fun and I'll check back in with you a bit later....maybe.

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