September 20, 2010

Jewish Humor

A couple of jokes for you.
"A man was walking through the woods to go visit a dear friend. As he was walking he stumbled and his yarmulke fell off of his head. So he bent over to pick it up and upon standing up he noticed a bear standing in front of him.

He froze in fear and began to tremble. As he stood there he watched in amazement as the bear stood up and placed a yarmulke on his own head and began to daven.

He thought to himself, "I am saved, I have found the only Jewish bear in creation!" So he breathed a sigh of relief and began to daven and give thanks to G-d.

He finished just in time to hear the bear utter the last words of the bear's prayer -- hamotzi lekhem min ha-aretz.*"

(*the blessing that is said before meals)
"A Priest and a Rabbi are riding in a plane. After a while, the Priest turns to the Rabbi and asks, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"

The Rabbi responds, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."

The Priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork?"

To which the Rabbi replies, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted pork."

The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the Rabbi spoke up and asked the Priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"

The Priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."

The Rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"

The Priest replied, "Yes Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."

The Rabbi nodded understandingly for a moment and then said, "A lot better than pork isn't it?"
Last one for now.
"Yeshiva University's new rowing team was the embarrassment of the entire sports department (which wasn't so hot to begin with!) They not only finish dead last in every competitio, but consistently cross the finish line many minutes, even hours, after their opponents. Finally, they send Goldfarb to spy on the top-rated Harvard Crew team, in the hopes of gaining some helpful insight. Lurking in the Cambridge boathouse, he watches the team practice in the Charles River. For an entire week he observes their methods.

Finally, he returns to New York, where his teammates gather anxiously to hear his information.

"I figured out their secret!" he tells them excitedly.

"Nu!? Tell us! Tell us!" demand his teammates, impatiently.

"They have eight guys rowing," he pronounces, authoritatively."and only ONE guy yelling!!"

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