August 19, 2010

Once Upon A Time

The next insert for Fragments of Fiction


You know what I like about this video is the unbridled joy I see in it. That guy Matt can't dance but he doesn't give a damn and he just lets loose and that catches my eye. It catches my eye because it reminds me of how I felt with you- I just didn't gave a damn. I know, that is sort of my M.O. in life but it was different with you.

It was different for a thousand different reasons that I can't explain to anyone. A thousand sparkles shining in your eyes and that special smile that you reserved for me. Special isn't the right word. It is not descriptive or powerful enough to accurately portray what I want it to. Truth is that if you have never experienced this sort of love you won't have a clue as to what I am talking about.

"Once upon a time
Once when you were mine
I remember skies
Reflected in your eyes
I wonder where you are
I wonder if you
Think about me
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams

Once the world was new
Our bodies felt the morning dew
That greets the brand new day
We couldn't tear ourselves away
I wonder if you care
I wonder if you still remember
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams"
"Your Wildest Dreams" The Moody Blues

I know why you don't come by very often. I know why you keep your distance and how it helps you fool yourself. You do remember. You haven't forgotten and you won't. But for the moment it is easier for you to maintain this fiction. Easier to pretend that what we had and what we were was fantasy or somehow less than it was.

I know, because sometimes I go there too. Sometimes I pretend that it was nothing but a dream that I once had and that now I am awake. The dream is over, the day has come and so I must move on. But my darling I am not able to maintain that fiction. I can't. I am not built that way. I jump in the fire and I stay until I can't take it any longer and than I stay some more.

You hate reading these words. You hate knowing that I do this and you hate feeling responsible for it. I understand and though you won't accept it, I absolve you of that. I do this freely because this is how I operate. I can only be who I am and this is how I do that.

Part of what I love about you is that incredible strength you have. I am impressed and amazed that you can stay focused and avoid those places where we used to be. But I know that there are days when you can't help it, where you wonder if I have truly walked away. I know this to be true the same way I knew what you were thinking or how I'd pick up the phone and call you just as you were about to dial my number.

"And when the music plays
And when the words are
Touched with sorrow
When the music plays
I hear the sound
I had to follow
Once upon a time
Once beneath the stars
The universe was ours
Love was all we knew
And all I knew was you
I wonder if you know
I wonder if you think about it
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams"

And I know that though you protest you love hearing that I can't forget you. I know that you love knowing that I have never forgotten what your lips felt like, how it felt to hold you or what you smell like. I know that you are relieved that we don't run into each other because you couldn't keep this up if we did.

And yes I know that last line sounds arrogant. It is not. It is confidence and it is true. One kiss and you would melt. One hug and you would remember by whose side you should be standing. I know it and you know it. So the distance and the space work to your advantage, sort of.

Because you can only fool yourself for so long. You can only hide from destiny for a short time and then it comes to find you. Or so I tell myself in the quiet of the night. In the dark places within my heart and the empty spaces in my soul that you used to fill I hear whispers. Whispers that accuse me of being a fool and worse than that. Accusations that sear my insides are there to suggest that maybe this is a fool's errand.

But then I close my eyes and blot out all noise and there in the dark I see you looking back at me. So I pretend that you have been captured and are being held prisoner in some castle. And you know me, I am your hero- my girl will not be help captive any longer than it takes me to tear down the walls. You know that I will lay siege to that castle. I will tear the down walls and destroy any who stand in my way. I will fight and fight and fight until I rescue you.

Sometimes fairy tales come true.

"And when the music plays
And when the words are
Touched with sorrow
When the music plays
And when the music plays
I hear the sound
I had to follow
Once upon a time

Once upon a time
Once when you were mine
I remember skies
Mirrored in your eyes
I wonder where you are
I wonder if you
Think about me
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams
In your wildest dreams
In your wildest dreams"

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