August 22, 2010

I Drove All Night

Woman, you can call me a dreamer but I am not the only one. You can call me a million different things some good and some bad and I'll nod my head and say that you are right. You can find a million different reasons to try and stay angry with me and I'll nod my head and smile because I expect that from you.

I know you. I know your head. I know your heart and I know your soul. And I know that you were hurt and frustrated. I know that sometimes you can't see a way out of the forest. I know that sometimes you feel overwhelmed and it is all you can to keep things going. And I know that this is part of why you continue to try and shut me out. I know that sometimes when you feel your resolve crumbling you go down your list of reasons why it can't work.

It is easier to say goodbye when you are angry but it is not a long term solution. It is a bandage that will slow the bleeding down but it won't prevent it. That connection, that feeling you have isn't going anyway. I know because I feel it too. I know because I have tried. I have fueled the fire and found every reason why I should push you away and never talk to you again.

I know what it means to feel overwhelmed and how in the quiet of the night you can lie awake frightened and frustrated by it all. I am a fighter. I am used to being cut up, scraped and bruised. Life has laid down its share of licks upon me. I have been pounded and pummeled more times than I can count.

But I give as good as I get if not better. You hit me once and I give you five in response. I tap into that primal rage and I roam the battlefield seeking new enemies to battle. It is not always the smartest or best way to live. But it is what I know and I have developed some skill at it. You don't get to be as old as I am without figuring a few things out. Though I still love to use overwhelming force I have learned that brute strength doesn't always work.

And I know that you are not like this. You are soft and sweet. You are like mother earth, a nurturer of people, souls and spirits. And though you have a will like iron and are as strong as steel you shouldn't have to fight these battles by yourself. You shouldn't have to walk amongst the dead and wounded unescorted.

I keep asking for you to give me your hand again. I have apologized and begged for forgiveness. I have watched you from the distance and done what little I could to protect you. I would be your hero again for now and forever. That connection we share-electricity travels both directions. I feel your thoughts better than you think.

It is frightening to me too. I have stared more than one foe in the face-unblinking and unflinching and not been afraid. Yet you can level me with one look. One glare at and I feel my face turn red with shame. It is uncanny and disconcerting to me.

You know that I would march into the gates of hell for you. So what I am saying is that I don't think you will be able to maintain this anger forever. And yes I know that you will see that as a challenge but that isn't what it is. It is just a simple fact. Your heart looks for its companion and so does mine. They will not permit this separation to continue.

So we can continue to burn, twist and ache or we can be smart and resume our rightful place together. It will happen sooner or later. Please give me your hand. I can't stand the idea of you doing it all on your own without me. Come into my arms and lay your head on my shoulder. Don't speak, just breathe.

Breathe and listen. A second before you would have heard two hearts and now there is only one...

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