August 24, 2010

The Circumstances of Astrology

‎"And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation." Kahlil Gibran

Depth speaks to me.It calls out to me, caresses my faith like the flames in that fire I speak of so frequently. We talk about destiny and we talk about fate. Through the years we stake out positions and then shift them ever so slightly this direction and that.

In the early moments we revel in our relationship and agree that there is something more to it all because neither one of us can conceive of there not being some sort of something pushing us together. Unexpected, and unsought for we found each other.

We were both naturally skeptical about it all. For a while we laughed at the idea that maybe there really was a soul mate for us. It was something that we wanted to believe in but math and science didn't provide the sort of support that we wanted. Logic, critical reasoning and rational thought were what we relied upon.

But over time we began to accept that there was something more to this. It was fun to read about our respective signs and exciting to discover that our signs were so very much in synch. It seemed like more than a coincidence to read descriptions like the one below
Taurus and Virgo:

Both earth signs share the ability to communicate and understand one another intuitively. Their conversations get better over time and so does the relationship. They will understand each other’s goals and hopes for the future. There is an unspoken bond here that once established, hardly ever gets broken. They will provide each other with what the other person instinctively needs and desires sexually. You can’t go wrong with this astrological combination, period. A strong attraction and loyalty will keep these two together. Relatives can sometimes be a problem for these two.  Virgos understand that listening to their Taurus can provide them the sort of answers that they cannot figure out on their own. The smart Virgo recognizes that Taurus mate knows how to reach them in ways that no other can. Focus on healing yourselves and each other and you will have a mate for life.
I like reading that one. It reminds me of a girl who would giggle when I would reiterate that she needed to listen to her Taurus because I knew how to solve the problems that she couldn't. That girl loved me so. She called me her dear one and swore that she would never leave my side as I swore I would do the same for her.

It scared me more than I liked to admit, to be so madly in love with another. Scared me to let someone see me devoid of all defenses, naked and bare. But I couldn't help myself. Damn, you were, are so very beautiful. You make me act like an idiot. Just can't help but be the fool for you.

Staring at our astrology again I hear you tell me all the reasons why it can't work, at least not now. I fight, I argue and I debate. I tell you that even the stars are in alignment but it is not enough. You turn around and tell me that our astrology is good, but our circumstances are not. And then you are gone.

My girl isn't my girl anymore, at least not in the manner I want. We're back to walking separate paths but it is different now. When I didn't know that you existed there was no ache or regret. I never wondered or worried about you. I didn't stare off into space and ask what you were doing. Didn't wonder if someone else had caught your eye. I just lived my life.

Lived my life as I try to do now- except now I feel a bit like I got kicked out of the Garden of Eden. I am aware of my nakedness. I miss your being naked with me and I wonder what the future holds. I close my eyes and let my mind wander where it will.

Do I take your words at face value. Do I accept what you are saying. I know you well enough to know that you won't tell me everything. Even if you want, hope or dream of more you won't admit it. You won't tell me so I am forced to figure out based upon a hunch. A combination of going with my gut and asking the Magic 8 Ball leads me to believe that you aren't gone, not yet. You are still there, not willing to tell me to get lost nor to come closer.

In short you have left me in limbo which if you ask me is a particularly feminine trait. You characters like to keep us wondering. I could do that too. I should do that. You'd find it particularly disconcerting if I disappeared. If one day I was there and the next I was gone you would wonder. I think about it. I consider it.

But I stay true to me. You know how I feel and you know that the astrology says you are an idiot for not listening to me. So stubborn girl, it leaves us at an impasse. You won't let me in. You won't admit that you still have feelings or that you want me to come get you. You won't lean on me or let me help you because you know that if you open the door a tiny crack I will kick it down.

So for now I am going to continue doing what I am doing. I am living my life. I am working hard on my stuff, career, workouts etc. And if things work out as I expect we'll find out more specifically what the true circumstances of astrology are and what they are not.

Stay tuned to this bat channel.

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