August 19, 2010

Can a Father Follow His Heart

"Like wind on the plains, sand through the glass
Waves rolling in with the tide
Dreams die hard and we watch them erode
But we cannot be denied
The fire inside"
The Fire Inside- Bob Seger
Lightning flashes across the sky followed by an extended rumble you call thunder. You open the door and step outside into a torrential downpour. Within seconds you are lost in the moment a 41 year-old man transformed into a boy transformed into a teenager and then back again. You can't say how much time has passed because you really don't know. There is no way to gauge that sort of thing- not here, not now.
What you know is that when you stepped out that door you said goodbye to a piece of you and hello to something new. The weather may have been wet but somewhere in that storm a fire was ignited inside of you. Maybe something snapped or maybe you just tore down the walls that had imprisoned that thing you call desire.

And though it scares you a little you welcome it because the fear reminds you that you are alive. You remember who you were and how you changed. Some of it was good and some of it was less good because you were forced to subjugate pieces of your being and that made you less than you were. The fire inside burned those parts away.

Now you stare out at the world and feel that hunger to go consume life again. You aren't interested in floating through the days. You can't let another sailor man the wheel anymore. Destiny calls and you will answer because that is who you are and your heart has taken control of the engine room.

For a while there was a war that waged between your heart and your head. The brain counseled you to act carefully and to consider each action- to try and predict what could happen. But the heart told the brain to go fuck itself and then beat it silly. The heart maintained that caution hadn't brought the joy and happiness that is necessary to LIVE life.

So the heart stuffed the head into a locker and threw away the key. It wouldn't work forever, the head may be cautious but it was also clever and far too smart to remain imprisoned. It didn't matter, the heart understood intuitively that this was a temporary thing but the goal was to affect and impact a life. In doing so the heart would provide incontrovertible evidence that this change was good, necessary and beneficial.

"Youre out on the town, safe in the crowd
Ready to go for the ride
Searching the eyes, looking for clues
Theres no way you can hide
The fire inside"

No comments: