April 21, 2010

I Don't Want To Be A Mommy Blogger

The recent brouhaha about daddy bloggers not receiving the same amount of respect as the mommy bloggers irritates me. 

I have a penis and I am proud of it. I stand about 5'10, have a relatively deep voice and can grow a beard in about two weeks. I am man, hear me roar. In short you won't ever mistake me for a woman and if you are smart you won't ever refer to me as Mr. Mom.

If you hang out with my kids you'll hear them refer to me as Dad, Daddy or Abba. Ask them a few questions about their lives and you'll get a mouthful about both mom and dad. You'll hear that both of their parents attend school functions, help with homework, cook meals etc.

In short you won't hear them tell any stories about the "Father Knows Best" dad of the past. They have no knowledge of those days or any idea that once upon a time things were different. If you delve in a little bit deeper you'll learn from them that their parents have the same philosophy about education, discipline and safety. But beyond that you'll see that there are distinct differences that one could argue are based somewhat upon gender.

And that is ok with me. I like being a man called dad. I don't want to be mom. Don't need it, never cared whether people give me credit for the work I do for my children. My children are how I measure myself as a parent. Not based upon their success, but upon their character and ability to be productive members of society.

In regard to the whole daddy blogger not getting any respect issue, well I don't care. I don't blog in the hopes that some company will make me a brand ambassador. I don't blog because I hope to get a bunch of free stuff. I won't lie and say that I'd never do a review, accept a trip or any swag. Won't lie and say that I wouldn't love to make real money off of the blog, but it is not my focus. And the reality is that few bloggers have that kind of success.

Some of you say that the reason we fathers haven't been courted is because of demographics and purchasing power. I am here to tell you that is misguided, inaccurate and patently wrong. The reality is far different and it is not hard to support that. Men and women shop differently and if you don't account for that you are making a mistake. If you ignore the single fathers out there you are making a mistake. If you ignore our involvement in purchasing big ticket items you are making a mistake.

2010 is the Year of the Daddy Blogger not because we expect or want to be courted by the brands but because of the Brotherhood of the Fatherhood. Because we are reaching out to each other and building a community. Because we have different challenges than the moms and it is nice to have a man to talk to and share thoughts with.

And that my friends is the purpose of the Festival of the Fathers, another tool to build a community with.

*****

Anyhoo, if you are curious to hear some of the thoughts and feelings about this topic feel free to take a gander at the posts below. There are some good guys that have spent time outlining their feelings, give them a shot.


Dad Bloggers Deserve Respect
PR, Daddyblogging and the Long Road to Equity
Babble Retreats; Pays Lip Service to Dads Again
Who’s Your Daddy (Blogger)?
Mommybloggers Rule
Dad Bloggers Can Suck It!

14 comments:

John Cave Osborne said...

Well done, Jack. We are building community, and 2010 may well be the year of the dad blogger but if it is it'll be more because of community than it will be commerce.
and you nailed it w/ regard to the incredibly small percentage of people who make money off of their blogs.
You blog for all the right reasons that, along with your high caliber of writing and interesting choice of topics, is why you are one of my faves and always will be.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Finally a real man speaks!

It's quite the time for us to start roaring. Or else...

Clark Kent's Lunchbox said...

Well, you know my thoughts on the matter. You lay it out quite well. It will be interesting how much respect we start to get with the new M3 dad blog convention coming up this fall. I think we're on the verge.

Eric said...

I do hope that the festival has funnel cakes at some point...

Well played.

Amber said...

Jack, this is important. I am glad you posted this.

I think that daddy bloggers get the shaft. (I also think that men get the shaft in general, but I won't get into that right now.) Some of my favorite blogs happen to belong to men. Blogging is about sharing our voices, right? I am glad that you are sharing yours.

If I could say more, I would. But, I am afraid that my limited insight (being that I am a woman) would probably sound demeaning more than anything. Just know that I appreciate this post. Well said.

Kelly said...

There's room for everyone in the blogosphere. Thanks for being comfortable with who and what you are -- and helping to shine a spotlight on other dads who have ventured into this space.

CuteMonsterDad said...

I agree with your sentiment Jack. We're not replacing Mommy Bloggers but rather joining the discussion from a Dad's perspective. Thanks for shouting it from the mountain top!

Keith Wilcox said...

You are correct, sir. It's a fact that men don't have the same purchasing power as women. While men make the money, it's typically the women who decide how the money is spent on everyday items. Thus, it's perfectly reasonable for companies to invest their effort in courting that demographic. We are though increasing our presence and eventually we'll have a bigger voice that will demand more of that marketing money. I'm like you though, I don't blog for the purpose of doing reviews. I've done a few that I've been proud of (got the whole hooked on Phonics set out of it), but for the most part I just stick to what I do best -- which isn't reviews.

The dad blog community is getting to be more cohesive. It won't be long before we've got our own thing happening that the moms will be envious of (crosses fingers). I can't remember where else I once mentioned this, but I said on someone else's blog once that men are a more independent lot too. We haven't networked like the women so that might also have something to do with it.

I used to bristle at the Mr. Mom references. Now? I'm not sure. I guess I don't really pay attention anymore. Probably numb to it.

AlanTK said...

Great post. I was just having a conversation with someone this week about why I blog.

She summed it up for me: I blog because I want to leave a time capsule for my son about stuff I thought about as he was growing up.

One thing I will say: I don't think that all Moms are in the blogging game for swag. I know some, I work with some (full disclosure; I'm in PR) and a lot of them have the same passion about parenting and sharing their experience. But the difference is they've achieved scalability and seem like an institution unto themselves.

I love that there's a community forming. Being a dad has it's own set of challenges and it's great to meet some other dads who are willing to talk about them.

Daddy Files said...

Yeah. You nailed it. Sorry for the lack of a more verbose comment, but you've said it all pretty succintly.

Do it for the love of the game.

Chris (@tessasdad) said...

Well said brother Jack. It's the community and friendship I've developed with the dad bloggers that is most important to me as well. Thanks for sharing our efforts!

Minnesota Mamaleh said...

well done, jack. i just wanted you to know that you're heard, and appreciated. :)

therapydoc said...

I will definitely consider buying whatever's advertized onyour blog, Jack. You the man. (right?)

Jack said...

John,

Much appreciated. I think that sometimes people forget to vet what they see online with the same vigor as what they see in real life.

Snoopy,

Build an extra big bonfire for me this year.

CK,

We're right on the cusp. A little push and we'll fly right over the edge.

Eric,

Good idea, I love Funnel Cakes.

Amber,

You are welcome to share your opinion, I appreciate it. I don't understand why some of my fellow fathers get so bent out of shape about some of this. We teach our children to make a difference, we can too.

Kelly,

That is part of what I love about the blogosphere and why I keep blogging. It is a big place with lots of interesting people. Fun to meet others.

CMD,

Nope, not replacing them at all. Don't want to, we're very cool already.

Keith,

We're in tune about blogging but in disagreement about purchasing power. It depends on what items you are talking about. Not to mention that single fathers purchase virtually every item that a mother would. We shop differently and view the world differently.

That is not a value judgment. Brands make a mistake by not taking us into consideration.

But you are absolutely right, we are becoming more cohesive and building a real community.

Hi Alan,

I am in agreement with you. Not all moms are in it for swag. I understand the use of a blog as a chronicle of our lives. I love reading old posts from 2004 about my son. He is not that boy anymore and I don't always remember some of the fun stuff he used to do.

Over the years I have fielded many different pitches and taken very few of them. Most of the time I have felt that the terms weren't reasonable and declined.

That is part of my issue with some of the mommy bloggers. They devalue what we do. The simple and crude example is sex. These mothers wouldn't sleep with any man who asked for it. They'd tell them to get lost and move on.

Anyway, I don't want to get side tracked because the majority are not like that. You are right, it is great to be part of a community.

DF,

Do it for the love of the game. I love that.

Chris,

It is a vital part of the whole package. The friendships and community are big.

Thank you MM.

TD,

What would happen if I told you that I was selling a toilet where the seat was permanently raised. ;) See, I still remember that post.