January 18, 2010

These Pictures of You

"There was nothing in the world that I ever wanted more
Than to feel you deep in my heart
There was nothing in the world that I ever wanted more
Than to never feel the breaking apart
My pictures of you"
Pictures of You- The Cure

"I just called to say I want you to come back home
I just called to say, I love you come back home"
Picture- Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow

"With the calm of the mountains, I will love you
with insanity and balance, I will love you
with the fury of my years
the way you taught me to be
with a powerful raw scream, I will love you
In secrecy and in silence, I will love you
risking (bordering) in what's forbidden, I will love you
in what's false and in what's true with my heart wide open
because you're something that's not perfect, I will love you
I will love you, I will love you in a way that's not allowed
I will love you, I will love you in a way that's never been known of
Because that's what I have decided, I will love you"

Te Amare- Miguel Bose & Laura Pausini
+++++++
I don't look at your pictures as often as I used to. It got to be too hard. Every time I'd look at them I'd see the great love of my life and wonder what happened. Sometimes I'd find myself caressing the screen and whispering words that I only share with you. I'd stare in silence and wonder why you didn't answer.

It wasn't a big secret, pictures don't speak to us in that sort of manner. They tell stories about a past life and hint at echoes of a future that we might share. Echoes of a future is a phrase that would have caught your eye. It is a contradiction. We expect to hear echoes of the past, but that is not what I think of with us.

Those days in which we talked about our future aren't that long ago, though sometimes it feels like a different life. Those moments where we lay naked and said that there had never been a time when we weren't a part of each other. I know that you remember. Outsiders will read naked and think it is a physical reference, something sexual, but you know that it is different.

Naked refers to our hearts and souls, although I am not sure that it is accurate to describe them as being separate. Once they were two different sets. That was before we realized how very empty they were and how we filled the gaps.

Neither of us were prepared for what came afterwards. No one could have predicted it or told us how to act or what to do. When things were right there was no one happier than you or I. The night sky was filled with stars and the forest floor was lit by a huge smiling moon. We held hands and walked for hours through a wonderland.

The days were similar. Endless blue skies called out to us. We played like children and ran through the waves, each taking a turn to chase the other. It was magic.

And then it wasn't.

Things changed. Those fingers that had been intertwined lost their grip and our hands slipped out of each others grasp. Fear, anger and frustration sowed doubt where there had been none. Little nicks, scrapes and bruises that had never bothered us suddenly took on new meaning.

And then we lost each other. Somewhere on the road we got separated. Those moments of doubt made me wonder if perhaps it had been intentional. Anger came and it seemed pointless to chase something that was a pipe dream.

But somewhere along the way it changed again and I began to hear little whispers. Quiet moments in which I could hear you calling out for me. I wondered if it was just my mind playing tricks on me or if perhaps you really did need me.

I told you that I would be your hero and that if you called for help I would do whatever it took to rescue you. But the truth is that I need you to rescue me as badly as you need me to rescue you. We have always known this.

So I kissed you one last time. One final kiss so that we'd never forget. One kiss so that if we ever lost our way we could use it to find our way back.

For now that kiss is a silent memory that is locked inside my heart. It is a reminder of what once was and a promise of what still might be. One kiss and nothing was ever the same. Who knew that a single kiss could hold so much power.

13 comments:

Sire said...

That was a very interesting post, one that seemed to come straight from the heart.

Hopefully you're still not hurting from it all. As hard as it may seem, life must move on.

therapydoc said...

Just beautiful, all of it.

Ian Greenleigh said...

I second therapydoc. Simply beautiful. I know what The Cure can do, especially when mixed with photos.

shavuatov said...

Love this, Jack. You write this kind of thing so well.

rachel

Jack said...

Hi Sire,

The posts here are interspersed with fiction. Anything labeled with "Fragments of Fiction" should be taken as creative writing. Bits and pieces are taken from my life and the lives of those I know.

Hi Doc,

Thank you, I appreciate it.

Hi Ian,

Music makes a huge difference. It sets a tone and a mood that can really impact writing.

Hi Rachel,

Thank you. I am just a guy using a blog to work on his writing skills.

Sire said...

Thanks Jack I'll keep that in mind for future reference. Still, it was a good post.

Jack said...

Thank you Sire, I appreciate it.

bernthis said...

I wish I knew who you were referring to. It's beautiful

Jack said...

Hi Bernthis,

I am just writing about things that never were or might yet be.

Twenty Four At Heart said...

This is a very special song in my life and ... this post touched me deeply. Very nice writing!

Jack said...

Hi 24-

Thank you. Which song are you referring to?

Heather Kephart said...

Absolutely beautiful! I loved the part about how the person you're referring to would have liked the phrase "Echoes of the future". A meeting of the minds like that is something lasting. I can see why the hero of the story wouldn't want to let go of it so easily.

Very well done!

Jack said...

I loved the part about how the person you're referring to would have liked the phrase "Echoes of the future".

Thank you. Relationships are about the here and now, but the future always looms in the distance. If you can't see good things coming down the road...