October 20, 2009

Yep, I have Horns

I like that line.I think it can be classified as Original Jack, but I am not positive. Could be that I heard it somewhere and it just stuck with me. Wouldn't be the first time something like that happened. Weird stuff happens to me, like the knife breaking into two pieces.

It wasn't thrown on the floor, it was dropped from about three feet or so. It is around 14 years old. My inner geek loved the line about having to find Elrond. A good Elvish smith could fix that thing in a jiffy. I'd use it to protect the ring bearer and end up with my own kingdom. Not too shabby.

Although the way things are going right now it could be a bit more challenging.I did look in the mirror and I noticed that there are indeed horns growing from my noggin. So maybe I am a goat. But I don't intend on being one for long. Matter of fact I am a Taurus so perhaps it would be fitting to have a set of horns on my head. Horns could be useful.

Just think about navigating through crowds at places like Costco. A set of horns would go a long towards encouraging people to get out of my way, especially by the free food samples. That is one of those things that I don't understand, the obsession with getting a free sample. I am sure that some of the people in there are truly hungry and perhaps some really aren't getting enough to eat.

But c'mon, why do I always see some guy wearing cleveland gear trying to stuff his face full of 1/8th of a frozen burrito. Nice way to represent fella.

I can't get Maxwell's Silver Hammer out of my head or maybe it is just my desire to borrow the hammer and smack a few people with it. Come to think of it I'd rather borrow the Frantics bit and give people a Boot To The Head.

Yes a Boot to The Head for some might be nice. I'd include the Gosselins, Rush Limbaugh, Glen Beck, Sarah Palin and everyone at Air America. Musn't forget Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and Al Gore. Add Shepherd Smith and Keith Olbermann to the list.  Then we can include JF the guy who asked my girlfriend to sleep with him, Joey the kid from my kindergarten class that rolled the tire on top of me, Dan Quayle, Ken Starr and Michael Dukakis.

In addition I'll add Jean Claude Van Damme and Steven Segal for making such bad movies and myself for watching them. Can't forget Joe Morgan, Jack Clark and Tom Niedenfuer either. And for good measure we'll add all of Duran Duran, Depeche Mode, Hank Williams Jr. and that guy from the Birmingham High School class of '88 whose cheek was decorated with my knuckle.

Ah memories, so glad to see that I don't hold a grudge or bother with crap from the past.

Life really is absurd and more than a little silly

No comments: