October 25, 2009

I Broke My Nose, maybe

I think that I might have broken my nose last week. Took a look at the symptoms that the good folks at The Mayo Clinic  list on their site and found myself nodding my head to a few of them:
  • Pain or tenderness, especially when touching your nose.
  • Bruising around your nose or eyes.
  • Crooked or misshapen nose
  • Difficulty breathing through your nose
Hmmm..., my nose is a bit tender and I have a nice shiner over my left eye. The old shnozz is a bit crooked, but I have broken it more than a couple of times so it hasn't been straight in years, if ever. And let's not forget the breathing thing.

It is a bit off, but I am not sure if it is really any worse than it has been for years. Ask those that have had the pleasure of being around me while I am sleeping and they'll tell you that I snore. Ask my roommate from that famous summer of '85 and he'll you that it was my snoring that led to a major fight.

Every night he'd wake me up and complain that I was snoring. Each time he did it I would apologize, but it wasn't something that I had control over. After several weeks of this I told him that he needed to get some ear plugs. I couldn't help it and as it happened my roommate Chuckles the clown was an exceptionally light sleeper.

He got angry and started screaming at me. I got angry and threw his bed out of the window, the second story window that is. Haven't seen him in years now, rumor has it that he is a writer for some crime show in Hollywood whose name is similar to KFI.

So the truth is that I am not really sure that my breathing is any worse than normal. It could be, but it might not be. It is more than 20 years since I broke it the first time so I can't remember anymore what it was like to breathe with an unbroken nose.

I broke it the first time during a wrestling match with the president of my fraternity. Took an elbow to it, heard the crack and noticed that my mouth and chin had some red substance all over them. So I did what all dumb boys do, I stuffed some kleenex in it and rejoined the battle.

It didn't really hurt all that much. I had so much adrenaline flowing through me that I didn't really notice. A short time later I checked myself out in the bathroom and discovered that it didn't look right anymore. So I took a quick trip to the ER and confirmed that it was indeed broken.

Later decided to get it fixed, had it done and then managed to break it again. Decided that it was pointless to have surgery a second time so I just ignored it. On a side note, the 19 year-old Jack discovered that girls were very sympathetic towards a boy who had broken his nose. Not that I tried to milk that situation at all, I would never do that.

Anyhoo, last Tuesday night I was playing ball with the boys and a youngster came flying through the middle of the lane and smote me upon my nose and eye. I say youngster because he is a few weeks short of turning 19. Talked a lot of trash this boy, called me dad and then he smote me. Don't ask why I am using smote, just feel like it.

Well, you should have seen the look on his face after he hit me. It was an accident, but as I understand it flames were shooting out of my nostrils. He apologized immediately. I was silent. I was pissed with him, but I knew that he didn't mean it and didn't feel like swearing at him. Not to mention that I knew my silence would be more intimidating than anything I could express verbally.

I played for another hour or so and went home. On the drive back I noticed that my nose felt sore, but didn't think much of it. The next day I noticed the shiner and rolled my eyes at the guy staring back at me. WTF happened to Mr. Invulnerable.

I don't get hurt like this. I might get some nicks and scrapes, a bruise even, but this...C'mon, this is the second black eye in the past three months. But because I am a little boy at heart I consoled myself with this thought, "I can still take a shot to the head."

Kind of silly, but it is me. I haven't any intention of getting in a fight or any sort of physical altercation. I don't need the hassle, but if it happened it is good to know that I can still take it. And of course I have to add the caveat that I always intend to do more than give as good as I get.

I am Jack, hear me roar, or is that snore.....

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