January 19, 2009

We Leave The Toilet Seat Up

Before we begin the exciting topic of what position to leave the toilet seat in let me share some of what I have been listening to this evening.

God Only Knows- The Beach Boys
My World Is Empty Without You- The Supremes ( I prefer the original- no time to search)
Cello Suite No. 1 in G Major- Bach (Played by Yo Yo Ma)
Gimme Three Steps- Lynrd Skynrd
No Leaf Clover- Metallica

Ok, let's move on to the incredibly interesting topic of what position to leave the toilet seat in, up or down. I have to give credit for the topic to the illustrious Therapydoc. If you tool on over there you can see that she and I engaged in a bit of back and forth about whether the toilet seat should be left up or down.

Having grown up with more sisters than you can shake a stick at (I tried that once. Bad idea, my father had none of it and, well let's say that I only did it once.) I learned that women have this funny idea that the toilet seat must always be left down so that if they decide to use the powder room it will be ready for them.

I take a different position and I hope that my fellow men will join me in overthrowing the tyranny of the toilet seat. It is time to force these dames to do as we do and learn how to look at the seat before sitting down upon it. Somewhere my mother is beginning to grimace and squirm, she has this weird knack for sensing when I am going to cause trouble.

And yes I am well aware that suggesting that we don't have to put the seat down is a recipe for a fight. But ladies I ask you if you would consider crossing the street without looking both ways. You would not. You don't drive with your eyes closed and you usually take a moment to check yourself out in the mirror before leaving the house.

So I ask why you who are capable of so many things claim to be incapable of determining what position the toilet seat is in. It makes no sense.

We can take this from a different position too. Every now and then we men have to respond to a need that requires sitting upon the toilet. We haven't any problem checking the position. I have no more interest in falling into the toilet than you do.

Ok, that is about as much energy as I am willing to lend to this topic.

9 comments:

The Babka Nosher said...

Not only should the seat be down, but the lid as well. Go read some research about how many nasty particles fly around during flushing. It's beyond gross. Close the lid. Contain the nastiness. Then EVERYONE has to lift something.

Jack said...

Babka,

Now there is an idea.;)

therapydoc said...

I'm so glad we took this to YOUR blog.

Here's the deal, Jack. I haven't brought this up until now, but the gloves are off.

Or perhaps on.

When men make sure that women do not have to suffer ANY trace of the previous sitter/stander/a.k.a. pisher, meaning all we see is a gleaming, very clean vessel, only then do they have the right to object to seat down.

It's about that, too. Make it sparkle and we can discuss.

Jack said...

When men make sure that women do not have to suffer ANY trace of the previous sitter/stander/a.k.a. pisher

Doc,

Are you trying to make the argument that women never dirty/defile the throne. I grew up with four sisters and a mother and believe me, at times they were all guilty of making a mess.

But let's get back to the question of whether you cross the street without looking both ways. I still want to know. ;)

JustAnotherSoul said...

I have 4 specimens of the male species in my home. My husband is one, who sits to pee half the time, and the rest wipes the rim for any spray, or as previously stated, "pisher". He has NEVER left it up. I've never had to ask once. And I have thanked him up and down since we were dating for being this kind of man. It's the reason I married him, of course! I mean, on the rare occasion I get sick and need to hurl, I'd rather not grab the rim of urine and add insult to injury.

I also have two teenage stepsons. They have their own bathroom, which I don't use or clean. It's ALL on THEM. But when I DID have to clean it.... *GAG*. Not much irks me more in my home than a seat, with ochre drips decorating every square inch, in the upright position, meaning I have to touch one of those inches if I need to relieve myself. And let's face it, the seat is not the only victim of pisher. Look at the floor, the walls, and any hapless item within at least a two foot radius.

Which leads me to my 4 year old son. I've taught the boy to sit. I'M the one who has to clean it. So this takes your argument a step further than just seat up or down. Sit or stand. Standing is what animals do. They run off, cock a leg (pun nearly intended), and mark their territory. Aren't we supposed to be civilized? Now that we have actual toilets to use, and not a patch of grass or an outhouse, isn't it time to evolve to a better way? Take your cues from the superior gender? I think it wise. Are you just lazy or set in your barbaric ways??

HmmMmmmMmm.

I guess I'd better block now.

Jack said...

And let's face it, the seat is not the only victim of pisher. Look at the floor, the walls, and any hapless item within at least a two foot radius.

That's only if you have someone who is blind or doesn't care what he is doing. It is one of the most ridiculous remarks I have heard.


Which leads me to my 4 year old son. I've taught the boy to sit.

Good for you. He'll go to school and men's bathrooms around the world and learn how to pee like a man does, standing up.

I'M the one who has to clean it.

If you teach your children to clean up after themselves this isn't an issue.

So this takes your argument a step further than just seat up or down.

Not really.

isn't it time to evolve to a better way?

Isn't it time to learn how to look before you sit. That is just foolish talk.

Take your cues from the superior gender?

The superior gender- hah, that is rich. I almost choked on my coffee.

Are you just lazy or set in your barbaric ways??

Sounds to me like you are the lazy one. you don't want to teach your son how to clean up after himself. And you teach him to pee like a girl.

Believe me, that won't last. As soon as he sees the other boys doing things the way that God intended he'll start to do so too.

Refer to Urine for a Tale and Teach your boy to pee like a man for the proper education and etiquette. ;)

JustAnotherSoul said...

My teenage sons may need their eyes checked then. I'm worried.

I obviously need to work on my nunchaku skills. Afraid I'm a bit rusty. And for the record, I've never sat on a naked rim. Even growing up with 3 brothers. Maybe because I always close both lids, as mentioned above, therefore always need to lift SOMEthing. I just don't want to TOUCH the thing. (And I know, I know, If I'm lifting anyway, then WHO is lazy. I'm not worried about the labor.)

My son does know how to pee standing up. I ask him which he wants to do. He prefers sitting, as we first taught him. (That whole evolution thing, he's just more advanced than the average beast.) He has remarkable aim for one his age. And I'd almost bet his stream could reach half a football field. I'll never forget the time I tried to help him outside with no bathrooms within a few miles. He was holding it while I held his pants and that stream that might as well have come from a pressure washer started arcing UP TOWARDS us. Close call. But that's besides the point. Which is. Is. Mute probably.

And cleaning after himself? I'm just lucky at this stage he isn't peeing his pants! This age they have to put it off to play, even 5 more seconds, dancing with hand in position while claiming not to have to go. He does dab with toilet paper, a miracle in and of itself.

And as far as the gender thing, my husband told me something today one of his older southern lady customers told him her daddy always used to say.... Women have all the power... they're sitting on it. Now does that actually make females better? I don't know. But a girl sure can act like it does and get away with it. Exceptions apply.

I am all too aware of the fact my son will be a "man" someday. Though I shake my head, the ones I'm really concerned about are my two BEAUTIFUL daughters. Teenage boys on the hunt are much like male cats... they'll go miles. But we weren't talking about that either.

On a seriously non-serious note, thanks for putting up with a "foolish" woman. My TKO was entertaining.

Savolsha.

JustAnotherSoul said...

Wait, I THANKED you? I might as well have just said "Thank you, Sir, may I have another?" I read the post about the toddler urinal, the Urine for a Tale link didn't work. Wow, I would never buy that for the same reason I've never bought the little kid toilets... who wants to mess with that crap?! A stool and kid seat is the way to go. I'm thinking the Ali guy (or girl posing as a guy) has it right on! What an intelligent man!

Really though, I've never seen such a thing. If you like interesting ads, you should see one in the Tennessee Sportsman's magazine. I'm still not sure if they really meant it the way I am taking it...

It has a picture of a classic looking teddy bear, with black boxer-briefs that say I (Heart) You. It has a tatoo on it's arm, where you can have them inscribe your lady's name. The catchy title of the add is... (in red) GIVE BEAR (and in black directly underneath) GET SOME! Small side caption details... 15" Huggable Hunk with customized tatoo

It's a Vermont Teddy Bear. I have been trying to think if this meaning could be interpreted any other way, but the innocence escapes me. "GET SOME!"??? Obscure ads, gotta love 'em.

I've never read a random person's blog before. Just happened upon yours. It's Seinfeld meets the parlor game topics of conversation cards.

Riv said...

This is one of those arguments I've never understood...unless chivalry is being taken to strange levels, there's no reason why a man can't lift the seat and a woman can't lower it. I'm afraid I'll betray womankind by doing this, but I have to agree with you, Jack: ladies, why don't we just look before we leak? ;)