August 11, 2008

I Dance Alone

I dance alone in the dark, accompanied by the memories of what once was and the hope that it may be again.

Alone in the dark I walk in silence and sorrow. The cold night air serves notice that the flame that once warmed my heart has grown cold.

Anger, frustration, sorrow and disappointment are my companions. Not quite the four horsemen of the Apocalypse, but not the sort of friends one brings home to meet your parents.

I dance alone in the dark with reckless abandon and lose myself in the soundless beat of the dark. The night hides the tears that roll down my cheeks because I dare not face it during the daylight. Daylight is for wearing masks, night is for honesty.

The wind whispers sweet sounds of something that was and may yet still be. Alone in the dark I steel my soul for the coming battle and prepare the broken heart to receive the punishment that lays waiting for me.

Alone in the dark I try not to scream, but I am unsuccessful. The cries go unanswered. The silent prayer for help is repeated over and over, but to no avail.

Suddenly the ground gives way and I am sliding down a hill. Tumbling down I fight to stop my descent and scramble to find something to hold onto. The fall feels like it will never end, but finally it does.

Alone in the dark I lie battered, broken and bruised. The physical pain is substantial, but compared to the mental anguish it is insignificant.

I lie prone on the ground and consider the merits of trying to stand up versus waiting for a bear to come eat me. It is kind of a painful way to die, but death sounds rather attractive right now.

On the other hand I worry that some other animal will find me and I'll be gnawed to death. That is a far more ignominious way to die than being killed by a bear, so maybe I will stand up.

Alone in the dark the dance begins again.


logicyellow said...

If that's the way it is,
that's the way it is.
Just tell, me,
what's tearing you apart.
I'm just telling you:
I can't fall asleep.

Jack said...

Sleep, elusive sleep

V-Grrrl said...

I've been at the bottom of the well.

Jack said...

I've been at the bottom of the well.

It is one of those life experiences that we all seem to have at one time or another.