April 26, 2008

Dancing With The Stars- 7 Year Old Boy Edition

I can't stop giggling. Little titters keep slipping out of my clenched lips. Those little spurts and the semi-smirk that I know grace my face are making steam come out of Little Jack's ears.

The reason for this is really quite simple. I showed him this Dancing with The Stars video clip and then told him that I had signed him up for dance lessons.

LJ: "You better not have done that!"
Me: "Why not?"

LJ: "Because if I learn how to dance girls will want to dance with me!"
Me: "One day you'll appreciate that."

LJ: "No. I won't. I hate girls."
Me: "You don't hate girls."

LJ: "I do."
Me: "You don't hate grandma."

LJ: "She is not a girl, she is an old lady."
Me: "Don't say that to her."

LJ: "Why not."
Me: "Because you'll hurt her feelings."

LJ: "Why?"
Me: "Because she doesn't feel old or think of herself as being old."

LJ: "I still won't do it. I am not going to dance."
Me: "You dance with me and your sister. You dance with mom."

LJ: "That doesn't count."
Me: "I suppose that it doesn't. But what if I can't get my money back. I paid for three years of lessons."

LJ: "Three years! I'll be ten years-old! How can I dance until I am ten. My feet will fall off and I won't have any shoes anymore."
Me: Said with a giggle, "Your feet aren't going to fall off."

LJ: "Wait, you're teasing me...DADDY!"
Me: "Who me? Would I do that...."

And now for some Jewish humor. It is a bit off color, but fun.

A modern Orthodox Jewish couple, preparing for a religious wedding, meets the rabbi who is supposed to perform the ceremony. The rabbi asks if they have any last questions before they leave.

The man asks, "Rabbi, we realize it's tradition for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, we'd like your permission to dance together."

The rabbi answers, "No way! "Men and women always dance separately!"

The man then asks, "So after the ceremony you mean I can't even dance with my own wife?"

The rabbi replies, "It's forbidden!"

The man asks, "Can we finally have sex?"

The rabbi replies, "Of course! Sex is a mitzvah within marriage, to have many children!"

"What about different positions?" asked the man?

"No problem," says the rabbi, "It's a mitzvah!"

"Well then, how about a woman on top?" the man asks.

Rabbi replies, "It's mitzvah!"

"How about Doggy Style?"

"Another mitzvah!"

"On the kitchen table?"

"A mitzvah!"

"Can we do it on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, a leather harness, a bucket of honey and a porno film?"

"It's all a mitzvah!"

"Can we do it standing up?"

"NO, NO, NO!" cries the rabbi.

"Well, why not?" asks the man.

Rabbi answers, "Could lead to dancing!"

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