A Bigger House & More Money

"Money and women. They're two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn't do for anything else. Same with money." Satchel Paige

As I roam through the house during the quiet of the evening I realize that 50 percent of the advice I received about buying this place was useless and 50% was less than useless. The sum total of that is none of that was worth a damn, but that is a story for a different day. Or maybe it is just a matter of my not having anything clever to share. You do know how very much I like making the smart remark.

The advantage or should I say curse of hindsight is that it gives you the opportunity to see what you should have done. Not like I really wanted to have instant replay of my life. The last thing I want to do is be able to watch my mistakes replay themselves over and over again like some real life version of Groundhog Day.

In any event I find myself in need of a bigger house and more money. The current establishment is lacking in a number of areas, not the least of which is a proper room for a gentlemen to take of his business. This is not to say that the place is devoid of the fine attributes a home should have, it is not. The problem is that it is long on promises and short on delivery.

All of the aforementioned clatter is just my way of avoiding discussion of the issues I should be dealing with. It is not that I mind dealing with the challenges we all must face, but it is far more pleasant to consider how close I came to convincing Ann Stacey to sleep with me the night of our senior prom. Just remember that if anyone asked if Ann Stacey and I shared a tumble in the tulips I will neither confirm or deny it. For the glory of posterity and gentlemanly honor it shall remain a mystery.

Ah, Ann Stacey, now there was a fine woman. Smart, compassionate, sexy and quite willing to laugh at my jokes. I do recall that when I met her she was dating the dumbest Dutchman I had ever met. To be fair this has always been an issue of dispute between us, but what married couple does not have a few of these.

Yes dear reader, the same Ann Stacey from my senior prom eventually had the good sense to marry me. I won't tell you how long it took her to gain this sense, I'll just let it be known that for a short time she was mentally and emotionally impaired. Fortunately I was able to help her see the right of it which led to an immediate improvement in all aspects of her life.

And now that I have rambled on yet again I suppose I should comment on that which brought you here today.