November 27, 2005

Searching for My Muse

I have been working on Fragments of Fiction or should I say tinkering with it. I haven't really jumped back into it...yet.

I want to, I really think that I need to get back there and start pounding it out again but I just haven't been able to get myself into that place that I need to be to present the material I need.

Fragments of Fiction is just that. It is bits and pieces of fiction wrapped around pieces of my life and people I know. I don't think that this is any different from any other writer. You tend to write about what you know about and go from there.

The thing about Frags is that at this point in time it is not what I would characterize as a happy story. It may end up being a happy tale and it may very well have a happy ending. I am not sure yet because I haven't mapped it out. I really should do that. I really should plot it out so that I have a roadmap to follow but that wouldn't be in character and part of me is really fighing that.

The thing about Frags that grabs me is that I think that the best material has been written when I have taken myself back in time to that dark place so many of us have experienced. It is that cold and desolate place you hit when your heart has been broken and you have trouble seeing daylight. It is a place where you look around you and wonder how anyone can be happy and smile because you just can't conceive of it.

I think that when I open up the vault and dive down into the depths I find the best material, or maybe not. The good news is that I am having trouble getting there. It is hard for me to make myself feel that miserable. In part it is because I have a certain maturity and perspective on life that I didn't have when I was 20.

My children do such a fine job of making me smile that it is hard to be upset. When I think about all of the blessings in my life it is tough to really stay depressed. There are things that make me angry. There are things going on right now that light my fire and not in a positive sense. So I suppose that I could latch onto that anger and use it but I am not sure that I want to do that.

Do I have to use passion to create. Do I have to rely upon finding those happy/sad places to make myself produce at the higher levels. I am not sure. It is something that I think about because I am interested in learning more about myself. It may be egocentric, it may be narcisstic, but I find myself to be a fascinating subject. So what.

Life is a growth process and if you are not doing what you can to keep growing in some fashion you are setting yourself up to die. If there is one thing that I know it is that when I die I want to die knowing that I never stopped trying to learn about myself and the world around me.


Who is rich? He who is satisfied with his lot.
Ethics of the Fathers 4:1

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