tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7082887.post6626750995413582882..comments2023-10-30T07:39:04.857-07:00Comments on Random Thoughts- Do They Have Meaning?: A Sexually Incompatible MarriageJack Steinerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16625864271071630940noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7082887.post-41781946496929726142008-03-06T18:24:00.000-08:002008-03-06T18:24:00.000-08:0010 times a year or lessLordy! And boruch Hashem.S...<B>10 times a year or less</B><BR/><BR/>Lordy! And boruch Hashem.<BR/><BR/>Savage Kitten and I have been together for two decades. She's 40, I'm 48. <BR/><BR/>There has been no dampening; she's still as delectable as ever - and as blind to any physical flaws that rumour (and the mirror) has it I might have.The back of the hillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05564245223453467132noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7082887.post-22148263572821267872008-03-05T00:30:00.000-08:002008-03-05T00:30:00.000-08:00And, what's worse, I think that for women it's con...<I>And, what's worse, I think that for women it's considered totally unacceptable to talk about problems with sex </I><BR/><BR/>I don't know if I totally agree with that.<BR/><BR/>JD,<BR/><BR/>10-12 is fair.<BR/><BR/><I>and a lot of this has to do with the way our society has completely lost the 40 hour work week.</I><BR/><BR/>That makes sense to me.<BR/><BR/>Richmond,<BR/><BR/>There is still a disconnect, somewhere there is a happy medium.Jack Steinerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16625864271071630940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7082887.post-74163133641389985632008-03-04T17:32:00.000-08:002008-03-04T17:32:00.000-08:00Having kids is a HUGE factor. For women, sex is a...Having kids is a HUGE factor. For women, sex is as much about being in the right place mentally as having just the basic privacy to feel like being intimate. <BR/><BR/>I can remember telling my hubby once when our girls were very small, "You know what Dude? I have been touched ALL DAY. If you can find a way to have sex with me without touching me?? Knock yourself out...."<BR/><BR/>Therein lies the fallacy of the increased female libido after 40 - note how the age coincides with the kids heading off to college... *That's* why she is suddenly in the mood!Richmondhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07069850070815558984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7082887.post-89922558670741125252008-03-04T15:34:00.000-08:002008-03-04T15:34:00.000-08:00Once a day - the average? Well, maybe if you're co...Once a day - the average? Well, maybe if you're counting people married under a year heavily into the sample....<BR/>Er, no. IMO that's not even vaguely close to the average. I think that the average is about (and granted I'm not an expert, nor did I ever send out a survey to congregants on the topic) about 2-3 times a week.<BR/><BR/>But my point was not the blame game so much as that when women have the greater sex drive, it's really not okay for them to feel bad about it in our culture - and that in my experience, it's *not at all* rare for it to be the guy who is lacking interest - I think that it's possibly equal going either way, and a lot of this has to do with the way our society has completely lost the 40 hour work week.Kol Ra'ash Gadolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15990368493440225799noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7082887.post-20235402955641490562008-03-04T12:31:00.000-08:002008-03-04T12:31:00.000-08:00KRG, the article is clear that if both partners in...KRG, the article is clear that if both partners in the marriage think there's no problem with 10 times a year or less (1 in 5 couples!), then there's no problem. But if only one of them thinks it's a problem, then that's what it is. So the blame-game isn't really the issue, it's as Jack said - a matter of compatibility. If you take the 1:5 who are getting practically no sex out of the equation, the average amount of sex per month according to the article is about 10-12 times. For religious Jews who follow the laws of taharat mishpacha, that's about once per day during their permitted days!<BR/><BR/>That's a pretty healthy sex life. I wonder what percentage are fortunate to have this - in your experience as a rabbi, do you think this is more than average based on what you hear?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7082887.post-82446895644968568622008-03-04T09:56:00.000-08:002008-03-04T09:56:00.000-08:00Lest we think that it's all her fault, I also want...Lest we think that it's all her fault, I also want to add that as a rabbi I hear with some great regularity that it's just as often the other way - in particular, medical problems - or their solution- leading to inability to do, or dampening interest in, sex (and btw, gentlemen, just in case you're wondering, Viagra not only doesn't fix everything, sometimes it can't be taken in concert with other medications of various sorts - ah, the things one learns in the pulpit...). <BR/>And, what's worse, I think that for women it's considered totally unacceptable to talk about problems with sex either because the assumption will be that it's her fault (she got old, she gained weight, she's not exciting, she doesn't talk dirty, she shaves her legs, she doesn't shave her legs, whatever) or because what's her problem, she's got everything and she's complaining that she doesn't get enough? - At least partially because women still (sigh) aren't really supposed to care, whereas there's sort of an expectation that men will care about sex, and that if there's a problem it's her.<BR/>Very frustrating for lots of women - kids or no kids.Kol Ra'ash Gadolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15990368493440225799noreply@blogger.com