April 04, 2012


Sometimes people say things they don't mean. Sometimes the things they say are really sweet or really mean. It is our choice to decide how we wish to respond to these words and how much weight we should assign to them.

It is something that I have been thinking about because recently some of those words have gotten stuck inside my head and I have felt them bouncing back and forth like a ping pong ball. That damn thing ricochets off of this and that and I feel myself growing ever more irritated.

That fire that burns inside never goes out and when shit like that starts I feel the temperature go up a few notches. The words inside my mind aren't unleashed. I don't say everything that I am thinking. I don't unload the way that I can because it doesn't make sense.

I have learned to take a breath when heart battles head. If I set those words free I can guarantee that they will find their way under the skin. They cut to the quick and they are painful.

Lashing out might make me feel better for a moment but it doesn't necessarily serve my cause nor is it necessarily warranted.

So I step back and look at it all like I am playing chess. I measure, analyze and consider intent. Were they meant to be accepted at face value or were they just thrown out without any regard for consequences. Maybe it is somewhere in between.

I am the most impatient and patient man I know. I look out the window and ask if actions accompanied those words and think that maybe there is a contradiction between what is said and what is done.

When I find that inconsistency I call bullshit and say that I don't buy what is being sold so I shrug my shoulders and head a different direction.

There are holes in this story. Giant, gaping holes that will be filled one day, maybe. 

I make my own fortune.


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