"I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion -
I have shudder’d at it.
I shudder no more.
I could be martyr’d for my religion
Love is my religion
And I could die for that.
I could die for you."
You once told me that you would never forgive me for not finding you sooner. You said that you couldn't believe that two people could be so perfectly matched and yet live so far apart.
I nodded my head in understanding. You weren't looking for a response or asking for an answer so I remained silent. I knew that you were venting and just wanted to be heard.
You said our situation sucked and I nodded my head again. I didn't agree with your assessment but that wasn't the time to tell you that you were wrong. I opened my arms and you stepped into them. I wrapped them around you and stroked your hair.
I could feel you trembling and I knew that you were crying. I left your head on my shoulder and hugged you tighter. When I shifted you wrapped your legs around my body and I walked us to the couch.
We sat there in the dark, our bodies still intertwined and I listened to you breathe. I felt your hands running up and down my back but still I remained silent. Some might have suggested that my silence was an effort to leverage my position for power but it was no such thing.
I knew that you knew that. I also knew that I couldn't fix what was broken. All I could do was wait it out. It wasn't easy. It is not my nature to just hold still and accept what comes but sometimes we have no choice.
You kissed me hard on the mouth and I knew that I had a choice to make. I could push things in one of two directions. You were ready to give yourself to me but I knew that it was part of your desire to say goodbye but I hesitated to take what was freely offered.
I had already started the process of mentally moving my gear back into my man cave and I knew that soft and loving wasn't something that I could offer that night. So I decided that you would have to make it clear that other options were open to me.
Besides I knew that if you made that decision it would be easier for you. In the dark I wrapped my fingers in your hair and stared at the outline of your face. There wasn't any need for words. You understood and so did I.