Been thinking about suicide quite a bit. Been wondering how you get to that dark place where you can't see daylight or feel the warmth of the sun. It is not because I have any desire to end my life because that is not remotely close.
We all have our troubles and I feel like I have received a double dose but I never seriously considered ending things. Strange to think about how many people I know who have because I can name a few more beyond those two.
I wasn't particularly close with any of them but I spent a lot of time with Max and Jimmy. We went to the same summer camps and participated in the same youth groups. Happy talk, isn't it, these musings about death.
Been thinking about the various places in which I publish and wondering if it makes sense to have so many different outposts. I set them up with good reason and did my best to make them work for my purposes but things change. People change.
I have changed.
Most of my time is spent here. It is where I focus my energy but I can't quite this place up. There is too much wrapped up here, too many memories and good times. It is like my Tara, but I can't make it what it was. I can't chase the ghosts of the past because it prevents me from truly living in the present where I need to be.
What you see here and in the other places you may visit are parts and pieces of me. It is not a complete representation of who I am. Writing reveals much but not all and it would be a mistake to forget that.
Still there are stories to be told and tales to be had so I am off and running to find my best scribe and accumulate that which I can. It would please me greatly if you would come visit me at my main home.