August 17, 2011

Are They Echoes Of The Past Or Harbingers Of The Future

Johnny tilted his head back, took a sip of beer and stared out at the ocean.  It had been months since he had last spoken to June and he was beginning to wonder if the past was nothing more than a dream he had once had.

The time he had any sort of interaction with June she had called him delusional and insinuated that she had long since moved on. Johnny told her that he didn't believe her and made a point to not contact her. It wasn't because of insecurity or fear that he didn't reach out because he really didn't believe that she had moved on.

There were too many things that contradicted that. He didn't think that she had changed her basic character and knew that in the past she would have said something like that just to try and make him keep his distance. It is always easy to say goodbye when you are angry and if he knew June she had a list of things that he had done to piss her off.

It wasn't hard to imagine her carrying that list around with her, ready to whip out any time her feelings softened. At least he suspected that something like that was going on, but maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was just his dream and just his fantasy that kept it alive.

He wasn't sure. Much had happened and time had passed. Where once it hurt them both not to speak several times a day- now it didn't. Maybe they had grown accustomed to not speaking or maybe they were just numb- he really didn't know.

So he stared out at the waves and let his thoughts wander where they may. The beer was cold and the waves were wet- these were constants that he could rely upon. But beyond that it felt like everything else in his life was in flux.

There were consistent reminders of her all around him. It was more than just a palpable absence that he felt. Birthdays and anniversaries came and went but the silence continued. Sometimes he wondered if these little hints were echoes of the past or harbingers of the future.

He took a last sip of his beer and thought about how actions lead to habit and wondered if that was what the silence had become, a familiar habit. It was an interesting question and a reasonable doubt but not enough to prompt immediate action.

So he made a promise to himself to give more thought to it, stood up, stretched and got ready to walk back into his room. He may not have answered any questions but he did gain some clarity and that was worth quite a bit.

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