But that is the issue for me, I don't want to become dependent. I don't want to feel like I have to take something to get through the day. I am not an addict now, nor have I ever been. If I have a cold I don't have to take the cold medicine, but sometimes it is easier to try and work when I am not sneezing my ass off.
I have a pinched nerve in my right shoulder that sometimes acts up. Typically it rears its ugly head when I have been sneezing or if I haven't been sitting correctly. About once every 18 months it becomes intolerable and I take a muscle relaxant for it.
Last night was one of those nights. So I took the pill and found myself remembering why I hate them. That stuff throws me. I have terrible dreams. For whatever reason they are always disconcerting. It is kind of like being in a carnival fun house. Reality is twisted and distorted.
And then when I wake up I am groggy and irritable. I wander around fighting to pull the cobwebs from my mind. For whatever reason that stuff magnifies my feelings. If I am at all out of sorts it makes it a thousand times worse.
So I look at the lyrics below and I see them through the glass is half full perspective. This is not really me. I am not this guy, but at the moment I am. Time to hook my arm up to the caffeine drip and see if I can't shock that sucker into submission.
Just Another Day- Oingo Boingo
(There's life underground)
I feel it all around / I feel it in my bones
My life is on the line / When I'm away from home
When I step out the door / The jungle is alive
I do not trust my ears / I don't believe my eyes
I will not fall in love / I cannot risk the bet
Cause hearts are fragile toys / so easy to forget
It's just another day / There's murder in the air
It drags me when I walk / I smell it everywhere
It's just another day / Where people cling to light
To drive away the fear / That comes with every night
It's just another . . . . . . . It's just another day
It's just another . . . . . . . It's just another day . . .
It's just another day--When people wake from dreams
With voices in their ears--That will not go away
I had a dream last night / The world was set on fire
And everywhere I ran / There wasn't any water
The temperature increased / The sky was crimson red
The clouds turned into smoke / And everyone was dead
(but) There's a smile on my face . . . For everyone
There's a golden coin . . . That reflects the sun
There's a lonely place . . . That's always cold
There's a place in the stars . . . For when you get old
There's razors in my bed / That come out late at night
They always disappear / Before the morning light
I'm dreaming again / Of life underground
It doesn't ever move / It doesn't make a sound
And just when I think--That things are in their place
The heavens are secure--The whole thing explodes in my face