December 28, 2008

Who says I love You First

This has got to be one of the dumbest articles I have ever read. I have to wonder if the author truly believes what she has written or if this was a feeble attempt to meet a deadline. If you read the article you'll see that this woman says that men should always be first to say "I love you."

"So what happens if you get there first and you say it and he's not there yet? What happens when your "I love you" is met with a "thank you," or worse, a deer-in-headlights look? Well, it stings, sure, but more than that, it can stop a perfectly happy and healthy relationship in its tracks before it's even too far from the station.

If a woman asks a man out and he says 'no,' at least she knows where she stands with him and she doesn't waste any time pining over someone who isn't interested. Same thing goes if she makes a move on him and she's rejected.

If she's in a serious relationship -- one where the expression of love has been made clearly by both partners -- and she's eager to make a deeper commitment, there's nothing wrong with proposing. At the very least, it'll start a conversation of where the relationship is headed so the woman can decide for herself if and how long she's willing to wait if the man isn't interested in getting married yet.

But an "I love you" uttered too soon, before the man has processed his feelings and reached the same level of adoration could end a relationship that just as easily could have had an eternal shelf life. As soon as those words are said, they change the dynamic. If a man isn't feeling the love quite yet, he may suddenly feel pressure to manifest that emotion. And if the woman doesn't get the response she expected, it could damage her confidence enough to derail the whole relationship entirely."

I suppose that part of what annoys me about this nonsense is that there is a lack of logic here or at least a lack of acknowledgement that men run the same risk. If a man tells a woman that he is in love with her he risks her bolting from the relationship just as she does in the reverse.

5 comments:

therapydoc said...

There's a new book out about the damage that self help publishing has inflicted on people. My patients would give testimony. They bring these things to me, I look them over, and go, OMG, please don't buy into this stuff. Then I'll look closer and find something that's decent in them and go, For this, this one chapter, an entire forest lie waste.

But the Internet. Wow. Self help heaven, for better and for worse.

One Wink at a Time said...

Dear Jack's Blog,
I love you. Reciprocation is neither expected or required. I'm cool like that.
One Wink

Jack said...

For this, this one chapter, an entire forest lie waste.


And how many times does the "secret" merit destruction of a forest.

Wink,

One Wink at a Time said...

Like I always say, it's better to have loved and lost...

DJ Slicebit said...

ahhh seriously am having the same thing with my gf. I dunno if its right to say it cause what if she don't ah, its like having lack of self-confidence but anyways.

am still pondering about it!!